Where have I been?

Gosh, I know I haven’t been around in quite some time…

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With the holidays and family and all of our wedding planning, I have been swamped and not cooking too much. It’s been nice having my fiancé home, since he loves to cook also. He cooked dinner for Christmas, which was wonderful. Lamb and all kinds of other delicious things! I appreciate when he cooks..

NYE was a hit this year, and I’m usually not much of a partier. We decided to throw a small get together at our house with about 10 of our closest friends in town. I made so many little appetizers, it was awesome. I think I might post them, but should I post them all individually or just one big post with 4-5 appetizer recipes? Help me out there fellow bloggers!

And then New Year’s Day, 7am, I get a call … My beloved Nana is in the hospital and her body is failing. She is septic and probably won’t last more than 48hrs. I about had a heart attack right then and there… I have a relationship with my Nana like nobody else in this world. So, while I sat and bawled my eyes out as my mom explained everything the dr was saying, my amazing fiancé was booking the next flight out of OC.

I packed only one carry-on, threw some clothes on, and left for the airport. I couldn’t even think straight so hubs made sure to checklist my bag for me; (Toothbrush? Woman essentials? Undies? Socks?) what would I do without him? I didn’t even care that the only pants I brought were the ones I was wearing, d’oh!
I was in a daze all the way to Kansas City… My step dad picked me up at the airport and we went straight to the hospital. I have NEVER in my life seen my grandmother like this. Never. Sure, at 90 years old she’s had plenty of surgeries… I was there for 3 heart surgeries, a couple of falls that landed her in the ER for a night etc. but nothing like this. She was so frail and ghostly white, she looked so sad and tired. I knew we were at the end.

I got ahold of my brother and the rest of my immediate family and told them to get on a plane ASAP. Nana was in and out of consciousness, completely doped up to keep her comfortable since she had always requested a DNR/DNI (do not resuscitate, do not intubate)… Every once in a while, when she sedatives would wear off, she would come to. Her eyes would flutter and she would moan, man that was painful for me to watch. She was obviously in pain… And I couldn’t do a damn thing about taking it away. It sucked.

As much as that hurt, seeing her like that … getting skinnier and more frail by the day, not eating or drinking anything for 6 days, I am forever grateful I was able to say goodbye to her. Her eyes were open, multiple times, she recognized me and I got to tell her how much she meant to me. How much I loved her. Most people don’t get that opportunity…

Early early in the morning of January 5, 2013 my grandmother, Harriette, passed away in hospice care. She had been given a real bath, and a morphine drip that probably pushed her over the edge, thank God. Every member of our family had been able to see her in a somewhat coherent state, where she tried to smile, and was able to say their goodbyes. I believe thats all she had been holding on for. What a way to start 2013, huh?

Well, as if it couldn’t get any worse… My grandfather (him and nana have been divorced for like 30+ yrs) called to let us all know he has been diagnosed with secondary liver cancer! Ugghhhhhhh!!!! I am not as close with my gramps as I was with Nana, but damn man. He’s my Grampa, the only one I have left too. We have no idea where the original cancer is, or how much it’s spreading.. But I need some answers, soon.

I’m tired… So I haven’t been doing much cooking lately. School has started again, and I am trying to focus. We’ve been having a lot of quick fix meals, pastas or takeout Thai. But I think I’ll cook tonight… Get back into the swing of things, and help occupy my wandering mind. ❤

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